I’m Out, Jerry.

30 01 2008

Ages and ages ago, back in early 2005, well before I became aware of these nifty little sites called blogs, I used to read this little site known as Craigslist.

Craigslist had everything. M4W, W4M, Pets, Roommates Wanted, Household Services, Missed Connections, Rants and Raves, Help Wanted. Anything you could ever, ever want in life could be found, somewhere on their main page. It was magic.

Want to know if you made an error in sleeping with him on the second date? Ask the peanut gallery over in the R&R section. Trying to catch your boyfriend with his hand in the cookie jar, or in more lascivious locations? Check to see if his Little Manaconda is featured anywhere in the Casual Encounters department. Want a housekeeper? Want a dog? Want a futon? Go to Craigslist. They have everything, AND the kitchen sink. Who could ever grow tired of reading it?

Me. I did. Eventually.

It took awhile for my rose-colored glasses to lose their tint. But, slowly, I found myself noticing how ugly my beloved site had become. A 5-6, 130-pound woman being called a fat cum-dumpster because she writes in, lamenting a recent dry spell in her dating life. A suicidal 24 year old, clearly hoping to be talked off the ledge, instead encouraged to take the plunge. Married men and women seeking persons with whom to have an affair. Racist rants. Misogynistic rants. Hate-filled rants.

When had it gotten so ugly? When did this helpful little site become a stage for such bile? Such anonymous vitriol?

I found myself believing that all men shared the opinion of these basement trolls who clearly hate anything with a vagina. I found myself thinking that marriage means little to most, and that vows are meant to be broken. I found myself wondering if the color of my skin really dictates whether or not I’ll be abhorred by those of a differing complexion. I found myself feeling discouraged. Feeling lost. Feeling angry.

And then I discovered blogs.

Such happy places, these blog things. Velvet in Dupont was profane, but always made you laugh. DC Cookie had hysterical pics of her be-wigged nights out. I envied Kathryn On her impeccable grammar and punctuation. I looked forward each week to Brunch Bird’s “Why the Terrorists Hate Us” Friday posts. I-66 was adorable in his snark. And Kassy K….Kass oozed sweetness and light and everything that is good in the world. Even Roosh’s notch posts could be stomached in small increments when imagined as being delivered with tongue in cheek.

I left Craigslist forever, and threw myself at any and every blog that I was able to find. Soon, I began writing my own, although I read more than I wrote.

I went to Happy Hours. I met many wonderful, witty, friendly people. I became friends with some. I resisted the pull to become enemies with others. I tried to be respectful of all. I didn’t know about A-List or C-List, and I didn’t care. To me it was a simple exchange of good will. If you were nice to me, I was nice to you. If you weren’t, I would be as polite as I could in calling your attention to that. And, for the most part, that worked for me.

But something has shifted. I’ve long given up my rose-colored glasses, so I know that this change in climate is more recent than not. I know that it is not something I failed to see at the start, but something that has taken shape after my induction into this community. And, if it was there all along, it was nowhere near as prevalent as it is today.

A fashion-obsessed young woman makes note of a shopping event that she attended and, seemingly without any provocation, anonymous, hateful comments are left on her pages. Phone numbers and home addresses are being given out on public forums, insults are hurled, rumors are spread, pictures are posted. A divided community puts up fences to password-protect, residents clear out altogether and leave the neighborhood where they once coexisted, at least somewhat peacefully, with those residing nearby.

Most disturbingly, those very same trolls who drove me away from Craigslist these years ago have now found celebrity on their very own bit of blogging acreage, squeezing out the sweeter, “weaker,” fairer sex, and discouraging them from regaling us with sad and funny tales of their dating lives, or lack thereof. Subjecting them to ridicule, which was primarily what they had come here to escape. Ageism, sizeism, sexism. These isms have contributed to the demise of what was once a pretty nice place to be.

They are dropping like flies – these Everyman/Everywoman pages. The Happy Hour turnouts are dwindling as the “hosts” increase in number and new arrivals are left without introduction. For some, it’s more about posting a group picture on a website than it is about welcoming new additions. And, due to this, there are more departures than there are arrivals. And, with fewer and fewer uninitiated into the fold, the fold becomes rotten with exclusivity.

And then you realize, as I have, that the fold is overrated. That you already have gotten from it everything that you could want. You can take the friends you’ve made and run. So that’s what you decide to do. Impulsively, as you are writing this post, even. You decide, “I’m done.” And, that’s it. You are. You’re done.

I’m fortunate to be leaving relatively unscathed, with the telephone numbers and email addresses of some unbelievably sound bitches and blokes, and with only one imagined quarrel on my record. Whether I’m a bit late or a bit early to leave the party, I don’t know. The only thing of which I’m certain is that I don’t want to be the last one in attendance. It’s those saps who get stuck with the cleanup, and I’m not a shit shoveling kind of girl. Ya’ll are welcome to it. Have fun.

So I’ll just tell you that I’m tired, and that I’ll call you tomorrow. And maybe I will – but probably not. But, regardless of whether or not we see or speak to one another again, know that I wish you the best. All of you – even the ones of whom I’m none too fond.

I hope that you all have blissful, charmed lives, and that you bring to this world something lovely and redeeming. Be well. Be happy. And – and I know this is a difficult thing for some of you but, please, be nice.



54 responses

30 01 2008

Hmm. I think this, too, has become a world of venom. My early days of blogging were not filled with this hate. Though there was a “blog war” going on back when I started, I was happily uninvolved. Those people moved through several more bouts of drama in other capacities and it was nothing if not an eye opener. A leopard does not change its spots. I learned the hard way though.

I don’t fight. But I fight back. I feel like there is a huge difference there.

I told you many months back that I had stopped reading most local D.C. Blogs. I don’t even really want to be on that radar at all of being a D.C. Blogger because all it entails is not how I define myself. So why let others do it for me?

My blog is mostly x-rated. I am offensive in my own right, and I understand that. But I don’t hurt anyone other than myself or an approving friend when I post. If I made blanket statements like, “All persians have small cocks” or “All black guys have rage issues,” well, I’d be trampled on like a whore at church. Why people feel they can write essentially the same racist, misogynistic crap about women is totally beyond me. But I’ve long since stopped reading. Blogging is not about “them.” It’s about me.

30 01 2008


30 01 2008
Dagny Taggart

Thank you for sharing what you have thus far – and may you have an endless supply of wonderful to share on your own terms, in the future.

I’d prefer to share with you in the future over margaritas and guac.

30 01 2008
Not So Little Woman

I think the beauty of having a blog is writing when you want, about what you want. If there comes a time when no writing is what’s wanted, then that’s what’s right.

I shall miss your writing. It was excellent and many days you said things I wish I could have had the words for. So thanks. Much luck in any and all endeavors and my offer to look after George stands. Again, Velvet can testify to my devotion to doggies.

Thank you, Darling. For your comment, and for all the lovely comments you’ve left in the past year.

30 01 2008

Booooo. But I understand.

Booooo, Yourself! You know you haven’t seen the end of me!

30 01 2008

I’ve noticed the same things, and yet I linger…despite agreeing with every reason you just gave, I’m trying not to let those things stop me from having my free therapy in writing.

That said, I’m sad to see you go, your posts have the same snarkiness, sweetness, humor, and intelligence you saw in others and all in one place. You will be missed.

You are one of the good ones, Jo. I hope that you stay, for my own selfish reasons.

30 01 2008

A speakeasy birdie alerted me to this… and it makes me as wistful as Jo is. Yours is a lovely, strong voice. I feel fortunate to have met you because of this community. Your posts made me realize I’m not alone in many things, and opened me up to things I didn’t know yet. I hope whatever you turn to next brings you joy and success. Thank you for sharing your words with us :)

Thank you, Jess. And ditto to feeling fortunate. Me too!

30 01 2008

This is only a good-bye to the community as a whole, not to the individuals I’ve been fortunate enough to become friends with. Every single person who has commented thus far falls into that category, and I look forward to seeing each and every one of you again very, very soon.

30 01 2008

I wish you all the best as well, dear FreckledK!

Thank you, Miss. Yours was one of my first, and I’m still finding it hard to believe it is no longer.

30 01 2008

Oh sweetie…first of all thank you.

Second, if anyone understands how you feel, its me. I have been pulled into every black hole this blog world has to offer…often without my consent and I am continously defending myself and my thoughts for what? So some asshole can push me further into his corner of hate and cruelty? Not pretty.

In the end, its like Velvet said–the blog is about me, not them.

I will miss your writing, because it was lovely and honest and interesting. But you have become a real world friend and for that…I am blessed.

We are equally blessed. xoxo.

30 01 2008

I will be sad to see you leave bloggy land, for I always enjoyed your writing. But, sadly, I understand your departure. Best of luck to you!

Thanks. And thanks.

30 01 2008

Oh, this saddens me, but I understand. As someone relatively new to the scene, I have seen some ugly, but also seen some of the great stuff. So happy to have had the chance to meet you and to read all your lovely things (over the past years as a lurker, too…)

I still hope to participate in the VD festivities! Give me a shout.

30 01 2008

Let’s hope sooner rather than later :) First drink’s on me.

See.. now you have to call… free booze.


Hope you have a CD coming due or something, cause your woman can hold her liquor!

30 01 2008
Paige Jennifer

When I first started my blog, only people I knew read it. And when the readership finally started to expand, I was thrilled. Well thrilled until an anonymous pussy called be a bitch and a whore. What? Because I like sex and tell the truth that many men can’t land a tongue within a five inch radius of the clit? It totally skidded me off in a bad direction of sour stomach and aching heart. But I stuck it out. The assholes tired and went elsewhere. Even still, I know what you’re getting at. Hope you change your mind but understand if you don’t.

You and Velvet need to become BFF. It’s eerie.

I’m happy to have stumbled upon yours, and will continue to check in w/you. And, next time you are in DC, hope you’ll get in touch.

30 01 2008

I just hope you keep writing SOMEWHERE, because you are incredibly talented and people (even if it’s just you and those you love and trust) WILL benefit from your unique voice and perspective. Much love!

Thanks BJ. Much love to you as well.

30 01 2008
carrie m

you have such an amazing voice, and that will be missed. everyone else has kinda said it better than me, but i still had to put my stamp on it. even if i get it, i will still miss the writing. but i won’t miss you – i hope to see you soon.

Thanks, Carrie. We’ll have a catchup real soon, I hope.

30 01 2008

You folks are what I’m taking with me. Spectacular – each and every one of you. Thanks for the kind words.

30 01 2008

Huh. Paige Jennifer and I sound like the same person, don’t we? That’s hilarious. Hmm. I’ll have to tell her about my still unpatented trick of writing the names and workplaces on my blog of those who call me a whore. Tee hee. That still makes me laugh.

Funny you should say that. I was reading her comment and thinking the EXACT same thing. Kismet.

30 01 2008

ill miss you…whorebucket!

You aren’t rid of me yet, Cupcake. Whorebuckets forever!

30 01 2008

You shouldn’t quit. If you do you’ll need another hobby to fill up your time…like smoking. And blogging doesn’t cause cancer.

I’m going to take up knitting. Need any booties?

30 01 2008

I’ll miss reading what you have to say, but I am so glad that I know you on the other side, darlin’.

Likewise, Kiddo. Let’s hook up soon.

31 01 2008

It has always been a good idea to be choosy — the exception that proves the rule? — I’m sorry I got here so late.

Just happy you were able to make it at all!

31 01 2008

I don’t read your site very often, but always enjoy it whenever I visit. Best of luck to you!

Thanks so much!

31 01 2008

I ♥ you too, Frecks.

You have no idea how long I’ve been wishing and hoping for you to say those words, 66. Yay!

31 01 2008

Freckled…didn’t get to know you that well, but I really enjoyed meeting you (the one time I was at a HH) and have enjoyed your blog. Good luck!

Thank you, Ryane. Was lovely meeting you!

31 01 2008

Well, piffle.

I know. Sorry.

31 01 2008
virgle Kent

I would like to point out that there hasn’t been any parody blogs set up to make fun of other bloggers in well over six months. No one by the name starting with big head have been harassing individual bloggers in a while (knock on wood). Blogs put up to make fun of and spread gossip about other bloggers (Best DC blogs anybody), are all gone, and there hasn’t been any blog wars in forever. It’s pushing close to a year that anyone has published anybodies personal information.

Now more than ever people are just writing what they want to write. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see where you’re getting, “this is the worst the blog community has ever been and it’s getting out of hand”. It took a lot to call out those individuals so to get to this point.

The only thing that remains and that will always remain is anonymous comments who leave mean comments on people blogs. But that comes with the territory.

Like I said, I don’t see it but I wish you the best of luck. You do have a good heart

31 01 2008

In a small way, I’m jealous of all the free time you’ll now have on your hands. But letting go of anything this meaningful after this long is tough, so I feel for you…and wish you all the best.

Thank you, Johanna. I’m sure you’ll see me on your Sitemeter, and in the comments. I’ve become reliant upon the fashion tips your site provides. That, and I think that both you and your dog are Adorable, with a capital A.

31 01 2008

I sort of enjoy the anonymous mean comments, VK. I once even had someone say that “limited intelligence has a habit of flapping its gob.”

My blog isn’t anonymous, which has good and bad points. The good point is that I’m not afraid of anyone publishing my personal info. It’s already out there. The bad is that I have to worry about crazy stalkers and uptight employers (though I make a point of not blogging about work).

31 01 2008

I suppose it’s all about the circles you follow (don’t even have to be in them), but this nasty stuff existed back in 2004 when I started reading the local blog scene. I’ve more or less stayed out of that drama, because in the end it’s a “war” you mostly can’t win and it isn’t worth fighting: sad lonely people sitting in basements have more time on their hands and more misanthropic rage than I do.

Misogyny and racism has been so condemned by official society that the neanderthals have to get their kicks anonymously online, letting out their sad ignorant venom on whatever victim they happen to chance upon. Some of them think it’s funny — they develop a “persona” based on sexist shit, and try to play it off as such when they bump into you in “real life.” However, unless you’re a stage act, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

Stay strong.

I want to believe it’s all an act. I hope it is.

31 01 2008

I think some of the problem is that it’s almost impossible to convey tone via the Internet. It could be that someone is an angry pile of frothing idiocy, or they could be sarcastic or self-parodying. It can be hard to tell.

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, and hope they do the same for me. I’m pretty thick-skinned, and don’t mind being called ugly or weird. I have a weak spot for being called dumb – feel free to question my sanity, but please don’t doubt my intelligence.

I’m lucky, in that no one has ever directly insulted me via my blog. But I go onto the sites of others and read some of the hateful things that people say to one another, and it bothers me. I have a hard time watching the news or reading the paper for the very same reason. I’m easily affected by what goes on around me.

31 01 2008

VK – You’re right about that. The blog-warring (which was the dumbest effing thing ever) has stopped, and that’s fantastic. But it wasn’t without cost. There are some people who will not attend a happy hour because they don’t want to be associated with or subjected to the drama or suffer the same fate of other bloggers whose names/addresses/SSNs were revealed to all. And the ones who do come tend to keep to who they know, and are more cautious in welcoming strangers into the mix. We’ve all become, quite rightfully, very guarded – in what we write, in what we comment, and in what we read.

There used to be a camaraderie among us that I’m not feeling anymore and, for me, that was the best part about being involved in the blog world. There was a time when, for me, it really did feel like a community – and now it doesn’t. Maybe it’s Post-Traumatic Stress from things that had occurred 6 months prior, and I’m only just feeling the effects of it now, but I am feeling it. When/if that feeling subsides, maybe I’ll be back with a newfound desire to jump back into the mix. But I definitely need to get away from it for now.

31 01 2008

I’m sad to see you go, but on the other hand, I just folded up shop on my own blog today as well. Your post was a bit more detailed and moving than mine, but some of the reasons are the same. But I guess most importantly I’m not really getting what I want out of it, and I hardly have time to read others, so why should I expect people to read and comment on mine?

Hope to see you soon!

31 01 2008

This community isn’t divided; it was never together. It’s ugly, beautiful, heartwarming and vicious. Why would it be any different then anything else?

There are people with gifts and hearts whom I would not have met had it not been for blogs; It has also exposed me to some jerks. I’m not going to let one cancel out the other. I’ll suffer the thorns.

Blogs are not dropping like flies.

Sure, a lot of the bloggers who were around three years ago are gone. I wish they weren’t. But there is no shortage of new bloggers; new people trying this, seeing what’s possible, what’s to learn. And from what I read in your post, you got a lot of out of this, if wealth is measured by friends.

31 01 2008

I’m going to miss this blog, but I completely understand why you’re doing this. Anon-hate is terrible. It’s harder to put yourself out there when you know that someone is going to rip on you. Whenever I see that I have a new comment on my blog posts, I cringe and assume its something hateful. I used to love getting them!
Good luck with everything. It’s a shame miserable people have to try to ruin what used to be a fun experience.

31 01 2008

I always hate it when the sharp ones retire. Although our in-person interactions were brief, you can count me as a fan of the graciousness with which you navigated the mostly encouraging but occasionally hostile waters of the DC blogosphere.

Some of the stuff that goes on now, though subtle, is every bit as calculating and destructive as some of the more overt nonsense that has happened in the past. Trust is a crucial element for any community – possibly the most important of all – and my gut feeling is that while it can never be absolute around here, it’s not as high as it really ought to be.

“You can take the friends you’ve made and run.” Seems like the best course of action when the equation no longer has value. Me, I guess I’ve held on to the friends I’ve made and chosen to stand pat. I have to believe, though, that there are several writers out there that I’d definitely benefit from meeting but probably never will.

Taking initiative is the way to change that, of course. I guess that if we really give a damn, it’s incumbent upon us to step up and help create and shape the community we want. Sitting back, calling “foul” or “bullshit,” and issuing demerits – even when warranted – ultimately only gets us so far.

Hasta luego, Freckles. You’ll be missed.

31 01 2008
Washington Cube

I see you’ve already been hearing back from the cream of the crop (in my book). I’ll just add that I’ve tried to write consistently, hit roadblocks in my life, laid low, then come back, as you well may. I stayed out of the happy hour scenes, already having lived a parallel drama in an AOL community. I knew the pitfalls. Then I was voted “Most Mysterious.” I told KOB/DC Blogs, Throwing Hammers, Velvet, Reya at Gold Puppy and Phil at Playaz Ball–no mystery, just a lot of self censorship about my own life (which is not to say I haven’t leaked on occasion.) IOronically…I then took flak for announcing that I censored myself. Not from the group above. In a blog entry. A no win situation. I do hope you regain some momentum, have your pause and then return. You’ve certainly got a strong team in your corner in this comments room. :::looking around and waving:::

31 01 2008

Bye bye, FK. I’m sad, but your reasons are good, and even if they weren’t, after all, it’s your life. You’ve made me laugh, you’ve made my stomach clench, and you’ve made me cry. I will miss you.

31 01 2008

Part of me sympathizes with where you’re coming from… hate and anger and stupidity wear on you.

But there’s another part of me. I’ve grown up as a big, intelligent, non-Christian brown guy in a country where I don’t fit into many common molds. Even within my own Indian-American or just Indian community, I stick out like a sore thumb because of my size and personality.

Tribalism. Hatred and fear of the ‘other’. Blind and/or willful stupidity in other wise intelligent human beings. These are all part of human nature. Any community, online or otherwise, will eventually face these, and other, negative aspects of our nature.

There are some communities you can’t really get out of. I live in this country, so I make sure I have hair on my head and none on my face around September 11th. I get harassed less that way. That’s life. As with any community, you take the good with the bad.

Anyways… I wish you the best.

31 01 2008

“Some of the stuff that goes on now, though subtle, is every bit as calculating and destructive as some of the more overt nonsense that has happened in the past.”

I agree, Hammer. Sometimes I see the harshness out there and it bothers me to no end. There’s a lack of civility and good sense. I’ve been subject to more than one public bashing myself. But you can’t help what people do, but you can help how you react.

A few months ago, a local blogger linked to one of my (DC Blogs Noted) posts, and began her response with “it seems like my good posts are all correcting other people’s shitty posts.” Wow. I mean, wow. I don’t think it would ever occur to me to call a fellow blogger’s work “shitty,” whether or not it was meant as a joke. I thought out various responses, but in the end decided to laugh it off. I posted a link to her blog, with the tag, “No such thing as bad publicity.”

It seems unfair that to write a good blog, you have to put a lot of yourself into it, and at the same time, you have to have a hide like an elephant’s. The two requirements pull you in opposite directions.

31 01 2008


This is actually the first time I’ve read your blog, which is a pity because your writing is sharp. I am new to the “scene” (honestly, this is the first time I have even heard there was a scene) and have already experienced the anonymous “haters.” But maybe because I’m such a bitch myself (alhtough not anonymously, mind you, and moreover I view anything negative I write as constructive criticism), those who have pleaded with me to delete my blog or insulted me in some other way without good reason actually fuel my blogging fire.

But then again, my blog has only been up for 2.5 months, so maybe I’ve only been splashed by hate rather than dunked.

I really do wish you’d reconsider though as it seems from all of the above comments that your voice and grammar are very much enjoyed. If not, then I guess we’ll always have your archives…(at least let us have those!).


“The Anti DC”

31 01 2008

Going to happy hours has nothing to do with writing a blog. Just something to consider.

And, as you imply, you can just pick up your rolodex, toss out the worthless contacts, and maintain your own circle. Where you set the threshhold for which cards to keep and how many is up to you, but in any case, no one can make you a part of any group of people with which you don’t want to associate.

After a certain point, even Studio 54 was just a bunch of strung-out posers. ;-)

1 02 2008

“It’s pushing close to a year that anyone has published anybodies personal information.”

I think by “anybody” he means himself for putting MY phone number on his website. Oh, yeah, wasn’t that in retaliation for when he gave the whole world his name on a stupidly nasty and untrue podcast about me. Christ. The people who are part of the problem will never see that.

Now, where’s that dictionary so I can look up the word HYPOCRITE again?

1 02 2008

Freckles, I hardly knew ye. You are leaving the blog scene just as I am returning, and I’m sorry I missed out. I didn’t leave because of the vicious speculation about my identity or the cruel parody blog, I left to pursue a life, most recently campaigning to promote women’s health. But it was nice to have a break and drop off the haters’ radar. You nailed the “blog scene” in this post, although I think you were much too kind to most of the instigators. Then again, kindness seems to be your nature.

I’d love to pursue some sort of interaction with you. Your press is good and your writing is stellar. I hope you’ll read and comment when you see me scroll by on the feed, and I’ll keep my eyes peeled for your much anticipated curtain calls.


1 02 2008

I am sorry-but I understand. Along with the aforementioned sexist venom, I’ve seen more than a few unabashedly racist comments. Guess one could say that these comments are informative (especially since one hears, and hears, and hears- about our post-racial society)-but they do take the air out of one’s tire… Hang in there.

1 02 2008
Johnny DC

Just don’t marry K-Fed. He’s got enough kids.

2 02 2008

Oh, I am so sad to see this but 100% understand the impulse to clean house. Good for you for taking the best parts with you and for getting out intact. Add me to the chorus who will miss your writing.

And for what it’s worth, they have a name for the people who adopt personas online and won’t back them up person: “cowards.”

2 02 2008
Uncle Keith

I’m sorry to see you go; I just discovered your blog.

2 02 2008

Sorry to see you go… and thanks for the.. compliment!

Your comments about the happy hours disturbed me…

“For some, it’s more about posting a group picture on a website than it is about welcoming new additions. And, due to this, there are more departures than there are arrivals. And, with fewer and fewer uninitiated into the fold, the fold becomes rotten with exclusivity. ”

arjewtino and kassy, friendlier than me when it came to happy hours, are now promoting a rotten exclusive vibe and not talking to people? Yikes.

4 02 2008

Oh, I loved reading your blog! I really hope you have an amazing life, and that you come back and visit us. See you soon. :)

4 02 2008

You did a series of posts a while back (re: the childhood, etc) that was some of the most profoundly affecting writing I’ve seen on any blog, anywhere. So thank you for that. Both for the writing and the sharing. I had the pleasure of meeting you once at a HH way back when, and I’m sorry that you’re not planning to come to any more. But in any case, best wishes and all that. You will be missed.

5 02 2008
Johnny DC

For the record, insecure girls are hot.

Insecure girls, Johnny rates you three thumbs up.

Awww yeah.

7 02 2008

This post saddens me. On two levels.

21 04 2008

I only hope that someday I could wish to be as great a writer as you. The world’s a little less colorful without your posts in it.

And Piratz is on like Donkey Kong.

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